Man of the Hour

In praise of vulnerability.

Allow me to elaborate on my feelings about the issue of Leonardo Dicaprio. Because I think there might be one person on this planet, maybe in some remote jungle in South America, who was raised by a bear named Ragu, who doesn't know. Although I think you all misunderstand my meaning and my reasoning when I say that I love beyond love one Leonardo Wilhelm Dicaprio.

In honor of our sixteenth anniversary, I thought I would write about the longest and most rewarding relationship I have had with a man.

I was six. It happened at the Cameo. I don't know why and I won't pretend to know how it happened, but it did. Later, Mom would acknowledge that of the thousands of movies I have seen in my life, it's pretty clear that there is one that reached me beyond all others.

What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

(Match in the gas tank, boom-boom.)

Maybe six was too young for that movie. But I've never let being too young stop me from going after anything I wanted. Doesn't mean I'll always get it, but I'm always going to go for it. Anyway, it was a rather epic introduction to Leonardo Dicaprio.

Then on December 26th, 1997, Mom took the four of us to see Titanic. And folks, my fate was sealed. It wasn't so much the blonde hair or the way he squints into the sun in that one particular shot, right before Rose comes to him and makes her choice. It was the way he looked at Rose, the way he loved her. The moment when he accosts her in the gym, when he's so completely vulnerable and exposed -- it's breathtaking. He puts himself entirely at her mercy.

And I never looked back. (Except one, but that was because there were rumors that he had been with Lindsay Lohan and let's face it.... She's RANK.)



And then there's always this




And here is where Leo and other men are different: he understands the difference between weakness/sensitivity and vulnerability. People aren't just vulnerable; they make themselves vulnerable. I don't want to deal with boys who think the way to win a woman is to be sensitive and feminize themselves. Crying over homeless puppy commercials is not a good thing. But if you can walk that fine line between being weak and being vulnerable... You're Leo.

Movies where he really excels at this? Marvin's Room. Titanic, yes, I said it. Catch Me If You Can. Gangs of New York. The Departed. Blood Diamond. Shutter Island. In each other these movies, he plays a character with a wellspring of emotions just under the surface. Who he chooses to reveal them and how he chooses to reveal them -- or not reveal them in most cases -- is incredibly telling. And rather than coming off as whiny, over-sensitive, feminine, or weak like most boys I've met in my life, for him, revealing his emotions is counter-intuitive and thus an act of strength. And I think that there in lies the difference between being "sensitive" and thus "annoying" or being vulnerable and sexy.

Watch this clip from The Departed. It's not in English, but I've seen it enough, and his body language says more than words ever could.



What makes this such a compelling love scene is not the fact that his body is gorgeous and his shamrock tattoo is hot, or even that it's forbidden. It's two lines of dialogue.

Vera: Your vulnerability is kind of freaking me out right now. Is it real?
Leo: I think so.

It's the way he hesitates, then leans on the door frame. It's the way he bites his lip and speaking seems like an obstacle to what he wants to say. It's the fact that he is so genuinely infatuated -- in love? -- with her that he is giving her something he doesn't just hand out like candy. Where Matt Damon comes off as smarmy and insincere throughout the film, and that's the point, Leo takes up the role of being the heart-breakingly vulnerable character. Surprisingly delicate, but only to a certain touch. As he says, his hand is steady. His voice doesn't crack. He doesn't need Vera Farmiga's character; he wants her. And not getting her isn't going to send him into the arms of someone else; he doesn't just run around flirting with every girl he sees. When he expresses interest, it's because he's interested. And not just because you're female.

You think I'm reading too much into it, I know you do. You're shaking your head saying, "No way. You're just seeing what you want to see. Maybe I am. Maybe I imagined the way he looked at the nurse who was setting his arm at the hospital. Maybe I read too much into the juxtaposition of Matt's approach to women and Leos in the film. But watch it again, paying close attention to the early scenes. Watch how they each deal with Vera. How phony Matt seems, how standard and boorish he is compared to Leo.

Now think about Scorsese and think about Dicaprio and think about the fact that neither of those men ever make an unintentional move with film.

Why is this all coming up now? Easy question. Shutter Island. Listen, I know it's February and I generally have a rule about saying so-and-so is going to win an Oscar before last year's ceremony has even happened. But I have the same feeling I did in 2004 when the Yankees crush the Sox in the second game of the ALCS. "What's everyone so worked up about? We're going to win the World Series."

I know a lot could happen between now and then, and I know a lot of people are still prejudiced against Leo. It's the only way to explain why he was nominated for Blood Diamond instead of The Departed. People want him to not win. They hate him because he's beautiful and he's talented in ways most actors (ahem, BradTomBruceJude) only dream about.

But look at the movie poster. He's looking rather wary and quizzical, is he not? Now look again. There's pain there. Deep and abiding pain. (In the slant of his eyelids, not that I'm crazy; I'm just detail-oriented when it comes to pictures. And it's not in his eyebrows, I swear. But it's in that general area.) So let me just say this about Shutter Island without giving anything away. It was the most heart-breaking performance I have ever seen from Leo. And if you don't believe that says something when it comes from me, well... What are you? New? I've never cried watching Titanic. Arnie gets left in a bathtub for hours and nearly freezes. The Departed? Marvin's Room? (Which, by the way, is still the Leo that I see when I go into Leo-geek mode.)

I've seen every Leonardo Dicaprio movie released in the United States. I've seen every episode of Growing Pains he was on. Hell, I've seen every episode of Growing Pains. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that not one of his performances has hit me quite as viscerally and as squarely in the gut as his performance in Shutter Island.

And I know that those movies are full of characters, and he plays characters, not Leonardo Dicaprio. I'm cool with that. I haven't been saving myself for Leo, folks; maybe be Jack Dawson, maybe, but not Leo. I'm just saying that if boys want to know how to be men, they should maybe watch some of his movies, take notes, and then practice.

I would like also to add that similar to how my love for Jackson Browne is born of a love for his work, so too is my love for Leo. It always has been. While my peers were busy spelling his name as fast as they could to prove their undying love for him, I was diving into his film catalog. I remember every time I saw every Leonardo Dicaprio movie for the first time. I once had a dream that he died. It was infinitely worse waking up from that than it was realizing there was no waking up from the Heath Ledger nightmare reality.

Now I'd like to leave you with some Leo quotes from the new issue of Esquire.

On East of Eden:

I remember seeing the hunger in Dean's eye and the angst and confusion that he put onscreen. He became the poster boy for cool, but he was at his most vulnerable and exposed. I watched it five times in a row.

(Exactly what I mean. More than James Franco, who I love for inexplicable reasons, LEO is James Dean. If only he looked more like Jeff Buckley, he could play him so well.)

on honesty:

"I don't think I'm capable of honesty to the extent of my grandmother. But people tell me I have that quality. If it's true, it must come out in different ways.