I'll avert my eyes and pretend I don't see, put in my headphones and pretend I don't hear.
I graduate May 22, 2010. I don't know what comes next, but it's not more of the same, so that's a good thing. That's the only thing right now. I have all these people in my life that I don't talk to, or that I can't talk to, and that I don't feel safe around. People I'm supposed to trust and love and I've tried so hard for so long to find that trust and love -- but I just can't do it anymore.
I tried the "Fake it 'til you make it" campaign. The fact is, I was trying to make it to something I'm not sure I ever wanted. And I know they don't understand how it could be so difficult for me to find words, but I've felt like the woman in the song for as long as I can remember. I feel like people are trying temporary cures for a permanent problem -- the problem being me -- and they're trying to keep me here not because they want me here, but because they will otherwise feel like failures. But they want me to go back to being something I don't think I ever was. They want me to open up to them, to let them be a part of my life, but only insofar as that life fits with what they want from me, so long as that life is the tidy little package they want for me.
They want things for me that do well for them, but that don't do well for me.
And at some point you have to choose. Because you can't have both. And I think the world is saying it's my time.
So what's it gonna be? Roots or wings?
i think this means, you want to move to Central Florida. but, thats just my interpretation. I mean, generally speaking, I am usually right. :)
ReplyDeleteI mean, it could be hunting dresses and guns year-round. Admit it, the prospect excites you.