They are remaking East of Eden for a new generation of teenyboppers (am I the only one who still calls them teenyboppers and not the insidious and infuriating "tween"?)
Let's be clear about this. They are remaking an epic, multi-generational story of sibling rivalry and whorehouses that originally starred one of the most tragic and beloved movie stars of all time? (That's James Dean, for my peers who are woefully ignorant of film history -- even those film students whose exposure to him consist of seeing the "Chicky run" clip during a film class freshman year of college.)
A movie that was made into a mini-series starring Jane Seymour and the Bottoms in 1981 -- a mini-series that just doesn't hold up?
This story has more plot than Pride and Prejudice [the BBC version] and Titanic combined. And they've decided to remake it. To reboot it for a generation with the attention span of a gnat. It's a bold and brazen undertaking and I don't envy the producers or the screenwriters on this project.
One thing is certain: Casting is crucial. Casting will make or break this movie and determine whether or not one of the most iconic performances of all time remains shining and glorious in the Pantheon or if it is sullied by any foolish association to this new endeavor.
So I'm putting forth my suggestions for the casting directors.
Cal- Robert "The Scowl" Pattinson -- after all, the entire first half of Cal's story is basically, "ScowlscowlBEANSscowlscowl"
Aaron- Robert Pattinson (Hey, they're TWINS, right?), alternately, Michael Cera if producers are afraid that two Pattzies on screen at once might give teenage girls heart attacks
Adam- Tom Cruise.. he knows all about religious fervor.. alternately, John Travolta... I've always wondered what Adam say if he said it in song...
Charles- James Franco, natch... we really haven't seen him in any serious or intense roles and I think he's up for it. I'd like to see him push himself, emotionally. Plus, he thinks he's James Dean... Or Zac Efron. Whichever is good.
Lee- Is Mickey Rooney dead yet? Mickey Rooney it is!
Abra - Rewritten as twins, Abra and Kadabra, played by the Olsens, alternately, Lindsay Lohan as both Abra and Kadabra, if the Olsens' classes at NYU keep them too busy
Cathy- Megan Fox, OF COURSE... there's really no other option for the sociopathic, borderline personality disordered Cathy Ames...
Faye - (the madam that Cathy destroys) Heidi Fleiss -- it's time she was forgiven, I think
Sam Hamilton- Robin Williams, with a brogue
As for who should write the screenplay, I think the answer here is obvious: Jun-- I mean, Diablo Cody.
If this were fifteen years ago I would be angling for a screenplay by the Boston dreamteam (Ben and Matt) and arguing that they should play the twins, as well... but it's not. It's 2009.
Did you not believe me when I said James Franco thinks he's James Dean? Dammit, here's your proof:
All that savory goodness just a little too much? Need some medicine with that sugar? I offer you this study in contrasts.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The other side of the craziest night of my life *updated*
You may remember way back in February when I wrote a rather mean-spirited blog about the craziest night of my life. (Seriously, the entire thing was basically nothing more than out-of-body experience. 70-30, all-man, little fingers, etc.) Well, what I ought to have written about was the charming, lovely, little jewel that I discovered (for myself, not the world) that night.
You see, Tift Merritt is like a little doll. She wears pretty, floaty dresses and has blond ringlets. She plays the piano a bit like my guy - Jackson, that is - and has a truly beautiful voice. Her lyrics are just as timelessly endearing as her style.
I think what I love most about her is how solid she seems. So many female singers and writers nowadays seem like a good gust of wind would blow them and their music right into the clouds. Her lyrics are light and her music is upbeat, but it's also substantial stuff -- there's meat on the bones of her songs, whereas a lot of those recording artists who are so popular now barely have bones. More like some paper-thin skin. None of the Regina Spector breathy girlchild nonsense. She doesn't conform to what seems like the norm nowadays, which is to say she looks like a doll, but not a porcelain doll. There's nothing fragile about her, but she's very feminine and that's refreshing. You mean an artist who is both a girl and not angst-ridden or come-hither? Shocking. Even her songs about being broken-hearted aren't really about being broken. Illustration 1.1:
Her piano is jangling and dance-happy; these are songs you can't play sitting down. Folk undertones, striking notes both bluesy and jazzy with her surprisingly soulful voice, and seeming every bit the girl-next-door that I think she is aiming to be -- albeit the girl-next-door with a real knack for metaphors.
After the show, when we were all Whistle Binkies, she joined us for a bit and I turned to her and told her I loved her music.
"You remind me of Jackson Browne, the way you play piano," I said.
"Oh, my god! I love Jackson Browne!"
We then embarked on a brief discussion of how beautiful Jackson Browne is. And really, isn't he? As Mummy says, "Your favorite topic, Ashley!"
Favorite songs by Tift Merritt:
"Broken"
"Good-Hearted Man"
"Something to Me" (lyrics in sidebar)
"I Know Him, Too."
Anyway, when she came out during the Teddy Thompson portion of the show for their duet, it really was the nicest part of the night. Their voices blended so beautifully together and they both seemed to be having a fantastic time singing together. All I can say is that I'm not really sure how she's managed to fly under people's radar for quite so long. Or rather, my own radar. Either way, she's right in the middle of it, now.
Also, to the Shetlanders, I am so glad that Screenplay 2009 was such a rousing success for everyone and I miss you all very much. I'm stoked that you all had a great time and hope that I might be able to make it to a Screenplay festival someday....! Maybe 2010?
You see, Tift Merritt is like a little doll. She wears pretty, floaty dresses and has blond ringlets. She plays the piano a bit like my guy - Jackson, that is - and has a truly beautiful voice. Her lyrics are just as timelessly endearing as her style.
I think what I love most about her is how solid she seems. So many female singers and writers nowadays seem like a good gust of wind would blow them and their music right into the clouds. Her lyrics are light and her music is upbeat, but it's also substantial stuff -- there's meat on the bones of her songs, whereas a lot of those recording artists who are so popular now barely have bones. More like some paper-thin skin. None of the Regina Spector breathy girlchild nonsense. She doesn't conform to what seems like the norm nowadays, which is to say she looks like a doll, but not a porcelain doll. There's nothing fragile about her, but she's very feminine and that's refreshing. You mean an artist who is both a girl and not angst-ridden or come-hither? Shocking. Even her songs about being broken-hearted aren't really about being broken. Illustration 1.1:
Gather me in like a rainstorm,
Again and again and again,
Again and again and again,
Again and again again,
I think I will break but I mend.
Her piano is jangling and dance-happy; these are songs you can't play sitting down. Folk undertones, striking notes both bluesy and jazzy with her surprisingly soulful voice, and seeming every bit the girl-next-door that I think she is aiming to be -- albeit the girl-next-door with a real knack for metaphors.
After the show, when we were all Whistle Binkies, she joined us for a bit and I turned to her and told her I loved her music.
"You remind me of Jackson Browne, the way you play piano," I said.
"Oh, my god! I love Jackson Browne!"
We then embarked on a brief discussion of how beautiful Jackson Browne is. And really, isn't he? As Mummy says, "Your favorite topic, Ashley!"
Favorite songs by Tift Merritt:
"Broken"
"Good-Hearted Man"
"Something to Me" (lyrics in sidebar)
"I Know Him, Too."
Anyway, when she came out during the Teddy Thompson portion of the show for their duet, it really was the nicest part of the night. Their voices blended so beautifully together and they both seemed to be having a fantastic time singing together. All I can say is that I'm not really sure how she's managed to fly under people's radar for quite so long. Or rather, my own radar. Either way, she's right in the middle of it, now.
Also, to the Shetlanders, I am so glad that Screenplay 2009 was such a rousing success for everyone and I miss you all very much. I'm stoked that you all had a great time and hope that I might be able to make it to a Screenplay festival someday....! Maybe 2010?
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